Like One of Those Victorian Fainting Women

There was nothing romantic about this February. Usually I enjoy writing V-Day posts, usually cataloging all the fun, single things I do in order to make the most out of the lace-and-chocolate holiday, but this year was different.

On February 14th, I was writhing in agony on the couch, suffering from food poisoning turned stomach virus. I had to call in sick, miss the conference panel I was supposed to be on, and ate nothing but saltines and toast. I couldn't even read!

Me, calling into work at 5:00 am: 

"Hey _______, it's me again. I'm still not better. In fact, I've somehow taken on a fever overnight and the stomach pains are getting worse. Clearly, I have no shame talking about this. But I'll make it quick. If I were to come into work today, I'd either slump into a pile of goo on the floor, like one of those Victorian fainting women, or excuse myself multiple times each hour. Don't worry, though. I'm going to the doctor today..." 

Through the haze of pain, I daydreamed about the travel writing panel I was missing and the stack of handouts that were now all but useless since no one could hear me speak about my experiences in England and my travel writing tips. Booooooo. I also wished for many things: a new stomach made of steel and stocked with an ancient Greek army, chocolate cake, a book that wouldn't make me woozy while trying to read, and a nap.

"No naps," my intestines said, contorting into the shape of a rubber band ball. "Sleep is for the healthy."

The awesome poster in question.

But it's been about a week since then and I'm almost recovered. It is so good to be back at school, to say hello, laugh, and look at a computer screen without feeling faint. I have great friends in the program too, including the incredibly talented and frilly Namie of the blog "Good Morning Lovely." (We're BFF office mates at school, haha). She gave me, like, the best get well soon present ever when I returned to school: a Doctor Who poster that has a very witty saying on it that makes me think - well heck, maybe time traveling would have been a better cure for me than antibiotics.

Grad school takes no prisoners and my thesis is no exception. I'll be working on my last set of revisions this weekend before starting another ream of paperwork and getting the poor thing formatted. In other story news, I've been starting to get chunks of free time that, thankfully, have allowed me to write more of the current Figment stories I have up. I want to continue posting chapters in a timely fashion and I feel as if my characters, long dormant under the wild Thesis Sea, are starting to rise again to the surface.

A tiny story of mine called "Her Body Was Map" has recently been published at Lightning Cake, a brand-new lit journal started by Figment's very own, Linna Lee. Linna even illustrates the stories that get published and I can't convey how ecstatic I am with the one Linna made for my story. It. Is. Brilliant.

So happy belated V-Day. As I sit here, sifting through the chocolate that had to wait, I guess I can't complain. It feels amazing to be well again - or, at least, to be able to dash up a staircase, eat a whole sandwich, and laugh until it hurts while watching crazy-fantastic Food Network shows.

How has your February been?

Grapples

My sudden and rather tiny goal in 2013 has been to try flavor-infused apples. Unfortunately, none of the supermarkets where I live carry any of these delightfully weird apples, so I've been pretty bummed out. Until today.

Passing through the fruits and veggies while grocery shopping, I discovered something new: a case of four grape-flavored apples.

Grapples.

Can you believe it?

I've only recently heard of flavored apples and, since I've always been a (probably unhealthy) fan of flavored things, I got really excited. A friend of mine, via Twitter, assured me that bubblegum-flavored apples are real - calling them "abomination apples." I see her point. In theory, it sounds like adding any foreign flavoring to fruits and veggies would be unhealthy.

I can't speak for the bubblegum ones, but these grape-flavored apples are apparently just as healthy as normal apples. On their highly information website, Grapple says this about the healthy quality of its apples:

"Our process does not add one bit of extra sugar, calories, carbs, etc. The apple still maintains its great natural supply of vitamins, minerals, nutrients & fiber. It's as healthy as if you just picked an apple off a tree."

Well, hey.

The packaging made me smile too; the little character on the front reminds me a bit of Grape Ape, from an old Hanna-Barbera cartoon in the late 1970's. You'll also notice that type of apple is Fuji - a pretty good type, though not my favorite. My blog tends to love apples, because I've done other posts on apples here and here.

P.S. Ironically enough, apples aren't my favorite fruit. Nowhere close. It's a tie between plums and mangoes. And strawberries come in third.

Even through the packaging, the grapples had a strong scent - it was delightful, like candy-sweet grapes. I hoped that my whole car would smell like grabbles by the time I made it home, but that didn't happen.

I felt it necessary to make a comparison between a grapple and another normal apple. So here they are, side by side:

The one on the left is the grapple and the one of the right is a Pink Lady (my favorite!). The grapple has a more rotund look. However, I was disappointed to learn that Grapples are only infused with grape flavor after arriving at the factory.... so that means that they are completely average Fuji apples. Nothing weird about them. I guess that's why they blend in so well with the other apples. 

The grapple was easy to cut through. I'm terrible with cutting things neatly, so it was a relief to almost effortlessly crack open the apple down the center. Doesn't that look neat? (I think so). As you can see, there's no alien markings or purple apple flesh in there. Boo. Well, I still have to taste it, right?

So, the taste. 

It's grape, man. But only a little bit. When I took the first bite, I got a splash of grape - kind of floral, actually - and then as I chewed, it tasted like a normal apple again. Rinse. Repeat. I'm surprised that the grape flavor isn't that strong, considering how grapey it smells through the packaging. Not that I'm disappointed. I feel like I really am eating something healthy that way - it's just got a grape kick to it at the very beginning, adding some spice to the apple-a-day regimen. 

I really really wanted to embed the clip from the Food Network show Unwrapped where Marc Summers explores the Grapple factory... but there's no "share" buttons. So if you'd like to know more about Grapples, demystifying them and all, please follow the link and watch the clip on the Grapple website HERE.

My Week in GIFs

I ran out of words this month. There has to be some kind of limit before you open your mouth and suddenly nothing comes out except unintelligible babble.

I'm there.

However, my brain's working well enough to use a different method to show you all what this past week has been like.



1) What I do to my brain to bounce back from a rigorous teaching day: 

2) When I try to explain to the rents why my revision work has made me grumpy / distracted / forgetful of my chores:

3) After three consecutive days of being asked to check APA formatting:

4) Discovering that ABC's The Taste is actually great - and that I now have the honor of watching two wonderful food shows (aka Sweet Genius) every week:

5) What I hope I'm doing to my novel draft:

6) Slinking towards February with tiny chunks of sanity:

Peace out.

StoneThread Publishing Blog Hop: "The Lost Detective"

Floating heads...

Whenever a writer puts her or his work out into the world, there is a secret hope that the story or book might be next on the hot list. You know, the short story that is optioned for film or the book that wins Oprah’s praise. Often overlooked is the simple truth that the next big thing is often not an overnight success story. Along the journey to such acclaim, writers wrote hard, marketed harder and formed alliances that helped to get that book or story “out there.” The Next Big Thing Blog Hop bands together writers from across the globe in an effort to help readers discover new authors and their published books or a work-in-progress.

Follow the blog hop long enough and you’re bound to find books to add to your ‘must read list’ and a selection of authors you’ll want to keep your eye on. You’ll also discover writing secrets such as: Which actors does an author secretly wish would portray characters from their book? Where did an author get her story idea? You might even discover a book that ends up being The Next Big Thing.

Fellow author and publisher Harvey Stanbrough (Stone Thread Publishing) invited me to join the blog hop. Below you’ll find answers to a few questions about stories I’ve written and what I’m working on, now. At the end of my Q & A, you’ll find a short list of the authors coming up next in the blog hop.

You can purchase a copy of Things You Can Create: A Speculative Anthology and read a fine gathering of strange and intriguing stories - including mine, haha.

What is the title of your story?

"The Lost Detective"

Describe your story in one sentence.

In a Halloween-themed resort town, the undertaker's twin sons, Preston and Donald, search for their father in the moorlands, assisted by an odd and strikingly-familiar detective.

Where did you get the idea for this story?

My grandparents' house sits on top of a hill; whenever I went over there to play in the backyard, I got a big old view of the cemetery right below. I couldn't reach the cemetery from the backyard - unless I wanted to get scratched up by an unstable fence - but I used to poke my nose through the chain-links and imagine what kinds of body parts must surely be hidden in the grass or how many vampires slept inside the lion-guarded mausoleum.

I've always been a fan of creepy things; Halloween is my favorite holiday. I thought it would be fun to write about a town that's dependent on tourists, a place where people come to get scared, stomp through tacky haunted houses, and say hello to the local handsome undertaker. Pierre Frohock, and his twin sons, Preston and Donald, followed quickly after that. I had to tell their story.

If your story was optioned for film, what actors would play the main characters and why?

Wow, I hadn't really thought about that.

*walks off to think about it*

I'm not sure who would play the twins, but the adults are easier to picture as actors / actresses. I think Maggie Gyllenhaal would made a great Hildegarde, the mysterious detective. When I think of tragic and romantic Pierre, Blake Ritson comes to mind. And Christopher Lee would make a charming, if not eerie, Mr. Biddix.

Who are your favorite writers? Why?

Mervyn Peake and Francesca Lia Block. Peake creates these fantastic, expansive worlds filled with oddball characters that grow on you - his words are like paintbrush on the page, and I love the subtle humor he works into his stories. I grew up reading Block; what I love most about her writing is that she's able to bring magic into her stories through her use of language and imagery.

What else about this story will enthrall readers?

The mystery behind Hildegarde, hopefully. There's something interesting about a detective who may be in more need of help than her clients.

What are you working on now?

Since I'm in my last year of graduate school, I'm putting the finishing touches on my thesis - a novel - as well as sending another finished manuscript out into the world to be considered. And there's always another strange short story to write, just waiting in the wings.


Authors on the Blog Hop, Up Ahead

Check out some of the blogs and Blog Hop posts from other writers featured in the new anthology:

January 15th - Teresa Milbrodt

January 20th - Dawn Knox, BE Seidl, Mike Chin

Mooching Through Florida: Epic Vacation

Happy 2013!

You'd think that this year - what with the whole unlucky 13 thing - would start off with meteor showers and dinosaur attacks, but it's actually going quite well so far. Why "mooching?" My winter break was horribly devoid of Buster Keaton, so I'm starting the first post of the year off right with a reference to one of Keaton's talkie shorts, "Mooching Through Georgia." Because, after two weeks of driving across Florida, I feel like I've been on a long journey.

I traveled to Miami, St. Augustine, and Disney World (always Disney). The best way to talk about my vacation is to, well, show you.

The Lightner Museum - St. Augustine

This museum is, hands down, the best museum I've ever been to. Why? Because it's stuffed with strange and mechanical wonders from the Gilded Age. I think I could spin a hundred stories from here. The bonus is that the museum used to be the Hotel Alcazar, built in back in 1887 - so, not only did I see a lot of need glass work and automatons from the Gilded Age, but I also got to learn about the hotel and see where the baths were, among other interesting rooms.

Ghost chair. (LOL. I guess all plastic has that kind of effect).

After seeing the museum the first day, we came back again to eat lunch in the center of the museum. I ordered the spinach egg drop soup and curry chicken sandwich. It. Was. Delicious. 

St. Augustine Lighthouse

When I was in middle school, still acclimating to Florida life, I went on a school trip to St. Augustine and climbed the lighthouse. Despite visiting St. Augustine many times since, I hadn't been back to the lighthouse for years. It's been a huge inspiration for my thesis and it felt thrilling to climb all the way to the top, knowing that my main character does that every single day of her life (how strong she is, haha!) - and also knowing that my thesis journey is almost complete. I tried not to shed tears of joy at the top, for fear that my falling tears might have seriously injured someone below, bwahaha.

I'm a ham.

Disney World - Orlando

Disney. Yep, you guys know I always go here. With the family all together, we really celebrate by staying over a few days and doing what we love best - hotel hopping. Basically, we like to hop on the monorail and see how each hotel is decorated for Christmas, as well as eating sugar-coated almonds in the parks and standing in line, haha. The finest achievement (besides finding a hidden Wreck-It Ralph room in MGM) was getting to eat lunch at the Beast's Castle. 

We also spent the evening strolling on the Boardwalk - it was the first time I'd ever been there at night. Nothing relaxed me quite as much as that stroll down the lit up boardwalk, seeing strings of popping lights, the epic pirate ship water slide, kids running around on the lawns (the Boardwalk hotel sure know how to keep the party going, haha), and a giant goblet full of caramel apple sundae that we always get at The Fountain.

I wish it actually worked - it was for show only *shakes fist*

At the Beast's Castle, I ordered the spinach quiche and, for dessert, a raspberry-filled cream puff. 

Adventures at the End of a Year

Can you believe it? Winter break has finally arrived!

I've been trying to take it easy. A possible second cold may be coming - my glands are swollen without explanation, so I'm trying to nap it off in the hopes of a fluke. I never get more than one cold a semester, especially when the first one happens so late to begin with (how can I catch another cold when I just got over the one from November? Well, let's hope it's a really good fluke.

Due to the looming vacation in a few days, I may not be able to blog again until the new year. So here's what's been going on lately. Boy, December is full of events!

Home Away From Home

Her father's clever way to add Piper to the fridge.

When the semester ends, I have a tradition of visiting my best friend in Lakeland. That small town is full of nostalgia; I had spent all four of my undergrad years at school there and every little inch of it (it seems) holds some kind of memory.

After college, my friend ended staying there, getting a job, then later marrying and having her first child.

The baby is new - and last Saturday, I met little Piper for the first time.

I'm not shy about my feelings towards kids: they scare me. I get really uncomfortable around them, I don't know how to act, and that makes for a lot of squirming and awkwardness... on my part. But there's something different about meeting youngins that belong to family and friends. I fell in love with Piper when I first saw her. Like her parents, she radiates calm (and at only a few months old too - wow!). She has big, luminous eyes like her mother and chubby cheeks like her father. She also likes to fart and laugh about it. Piper snatched my fingers up in a vise-grip and even sneakily took my bracelet with her during a quick diaper change.

My friend and I snacked on blue chips while enjoying the bright morning. We reminisced, as we always do, about our college lives - it's strange to think that, here we are, finally away from the dorms and sticky mosquito weather on campus. All the while, Piper happily stared at us with her intense gaze. I cracked a smile and she laughed.

The kitchen fridge was covered in words. I wandered into the room with it's little window overlooking the backyard, the "Bless This Cook" apron draped over the cleaning bottle, and the spices all lined up on a shelf like soldiers. There were poems all over the fridge, small chunks of phrases, but still just enough unused words for me to make my mark:

Weird and obscure? Check.

New Fantasyland 

So. Who hasn't heard the news about New Fantasyland? Over the pat few years, Disney has worked on expanding Fantasyland to include actual castles, more rides, and Princess-themed restaurants and entertainment.

When I went yesterday, only half of New Fantasyland was open, so I'm afraid I don't have too much to report. I went on The Little Mermaid ride - it was beautiful. The line itself is great too, though, because the interior is designed to look like Ariel's treasure cave. While waiting on line, you can help tiny animated crabs clean up the place after another storm blew through and messed up the treasure (at least, that's what animatronic  Scuttle claims when you're far enough in line to see him).

You board sea shells against a painted sunset backdrop (very, very pretty) and watch as the movie flies by in a flurry of animatronic moments. My shell got stuck at the scene where Eric and Ariel are about to almost-kiss in the boat - the workmanship on ride, down to those tiny details, are truly marvelous.

1000 Figment Fans

Guys, it's been two years since I joined Figment (and, uh, since Figment.com came into being). It's been such a long journey.

I remember finishing my first semester in graduate school, utterly frazzled by teaching for the first time and still getting used to the hectic lifestyle of higher education. As I unearthed myself from a pile of grading, Figment.com glowed - bright and squeaky-new - like an oasis. I knew that Figment would allow me to have fun with my writing and to experiment, outside of workshop, with the kinds of plots and structures that I wanted.

Birdcage Girl was born and very slowly, I began to make friends and read some fantastic work by other talented writers on the site.

But never did I think, way back then, that I would ever reach a thousand followers.

I remember celebrating one hundred followers - readers who liked my work enough to keep track of me - and the feeling that comes with gaining more readers never gets old. I'm honored and thankful to have so many lovely readers.

With that said, 1,004 fans, I'll do my best to continue spinning strange stories for you. Hold on tight.

The Next Installment of Lookout

Last week, the new issue of Tripod Cat came out.

If you've been keeping up, you've already listened to part one of my serial, Lookout. You've been introduced to the seaside town of Helium and quiet, eagle-eyed Lorelei who won the summer job of being strapped to a cloud as a lookout for the beach.

In this new installment, you'll be introduced to Sculley, a wind-peddler who has arrived in Helium with his uncle for a mysterious purpose. And he's a bit of a ladies' man (that's what he'd like you to think).

All issues of Tripod Cat are free; you can listen to them (and both installments of Lookout) via iTunes.

Winter Vacation Plans 

With all these exciting events still swirling around in my head, it's hard to keep track what's to come: family vacation. The thing is, we don't really go anywhere during winter break. Disney is always a must, but other than that, we usually sleep in late and recover from the semester's stresses, including preparing for the next semester to come. I know that sounds boring (besides the Disney part), but it's been the standard for a few years now. 

This year is different.

On Thursday morning, we're going to pack out suitcases in the car and head out for a two-week whirlwind adventure: we'll be in Miami to meet cousins and admire the Art Deco buildings, then off to St. Augustine to climb a lighthouse and search for ghosts on a tour. Lastly, we'll be back at good old Disney, exploring this year's holiday decorations at the hotels, drinking more LeFou's Brew, and exploring the Boardwalk's nightlife for the first time.

With that said, I still don't have a fancy phone. I'll be taking photographs, but my posts will have to wait until I get back. When I find Wi-Fi along the way, I'll do my best to check in!

If I can't reach you in time, make sure you have a Merry Christmas and a relaxing, exhilarating break!

On Death and Workshopping

"That's okay. It's the end of the semester, after all."

I think I said the above phrase at least twenty times last week. It's one of those things you say to soothe the people around you - kind of like saying "I'm sorry" when someone dies.

The act of speaking these words means that you've already let your shoulders sag.

This is the end of the semester and we're moving steadily to its final breath.

Tug on your seat beat. Hold onto the safety bar.

A windy afternoon

On Thursday, my professor decided that we'd spend the entirety of our three-hour class workshopping in small groups. We all brought our tentative final projects in, printing enough copies for everyone in our respective groups. 

The class I'm taking is called Illness Narrative. As you might guess from the title, we learn about all things that fall under the loose term of "illness." I've read poetry, essays, and fiction on topics ranging from the common cold to cancer, ranging from tear-jerking sadness to snorting laughter. The nice part about the class is that all of us, regardless of genre, are able to experiment with different forms and topics - something that is, for the most part, rare to do at the graduate level since you always want to put forth your best. 

I've written some weird stuff for this class. A small piece about eyelashes that, amazingly, had been published in the same semester, and two essays where I wrote about my harrowing experience at Disney with sugar-free dessert and my lifelong, though recently ending, battle with my giant pores, haha. And lastly, the short story I workshopped on Thursday. 

It's a humorous story inspired by the unit we did on the five senses. I gave my main character a heightened sense of taste, a cape-wearing nemesis, and three hairless cats. But I didn't know how to end the story. 

"I don't care where we go," said one of my group mates, "just so long as we're outside. I'm done." 

That's the end-of-the-semester-weariness talking, but we all agreed that some fresh air would be a nice change from the arctic classroom we all usually sat in. The groups all split up and we found a table in the new park, right behind the campus library. 

The park is pretty nice (though, to be honest, the space would have made a better extra row of parking - we need more parking on campus. Gads). There's a fountain that sprayed us with mist whenever the wind picked up. A girl passed out on the only swing set and fell asleep to the music pounding through her ear buds and the gentle motion of the swing. The wind found every little hole in my knit sweater. 

For the first twenty minutes, I used my hands as paperweights as we talked about our other classes, funny teaching stories, and complaining about the usual writing stuff (like lack of sleep and abundance of rejections).

Our stories were riddled with fatigue. 

"Your characters need to talk more here. Add some good puns to stick with your theme."

"Okay," I said. A pause. "Wait. Can you give me an example?"

Maybe it was the wind, or the fresh air, that made my mind so slow. I gave my group mates a drowsy smile and scratched down a few notes.

The Grand Tour 

While taking this class, I'm constantly reminded of the Death and Dying class I took back in college. At the time, I thought it was a great class to take as one of my final electives. If I wanted to be a writer, I'd only benefit from facing death head on - or, at least, in the form of a few multiple choice tests throughout a semester. 

So I took Death and Dying.  

The class was full of all different majors, people with tragic lives and people, like me, who are relatively cheerful. There were tears in during certain lessons. Every Tuesday, our professor started class with by reading us Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. During our "Death and the Media" unit, I (unsuccessfully) tried to convince the class that The Hush Sound's "Medicine Man" music video had to do with death.... and I say unsuccessful, because, for some reason, the deep and complicated story line of the video somehow went over their heads. I don't know. You tell me.

Next came the field trips. 

There was the funeral home: the tissue boxes were beautifully designed (that's how you know they were probably expensive), eagles were a common decoration for the caskets and urns, and the building was furnished, yes, with dark-wood, vintage furniture.

On the day we visited the local cemetery, a downpour of thick, blinding Florida ran ruined the trip - but we drove over there anyway, finding our professor standing in the rain under an umbrella. He told us to drive through the cemetery instead - and the only way to do that was to take the funeral procession route. Yep. Awkward.

Lastly, we got lost looking for the giant church seen from the highway that was hosting a guest speaker, talking about the stages of grief. We arrived late and had to be escorted by stern, suited men to our seats. It was strange and I felt happy that I'd never been in a place like that before then (or ever since). Whew.

It was a strange semester, haha. And yet another semester is just about to end, another one that held the theme of another bittersweet topic.

I went home after workshop, watched some Food Network shows, and dreamed about banana cream pies and bacon.  

Publication News:

There's a tiny bit of death in this piece. It's more than wonderful to start the new month off with a publication. Luna Station Quarterly released their annual drabble issue today and my drabble, "Octopus Girls," can be found inside!

For those of you who don't know, a drabble is an extremely small work of fiction, usually ranging in the 100-150 word area. I guess you could say it's like reading little pieces of candy. Whether it's bitter, sour, spicy, or comfortably sweet, the story stays on your tongue for only a moment before evaporating.

You might like this story if you:

• Only have a few seconds to read something
• Have unruly hair
• Daydream about a love affair with a handsome sailor 

By the way, for the Figgies out there: Linna Lee also had her drabble "Hold Fast" published here. It's a brilliant little piece!

As winter gets darker and colder (yay!), what are you feeling nostalgic about? If you're still in school, how are you preparing to finish out the semester? And if you have crazy hair like me and those octopus girls, whatever do you do to tame it? :)